#Boo #Fartnoises. I Had Dibs on That Colour.
Say you ate a big bowl of guacamole, then you were hit with a really bad stomach bug, and then puked and puked until you couldn't puke anymore. But the bug wasn't even close to finishing ravaging your body. Guacamole bile is flying out of your face. You know that stuff? That was the colour of my house when I bought it.
When I was 23 I purchased possiby the ugliest house in Winnipeg.
"You thinking 'bout throwing a coat of paint on the house," the guy who lived in the park across the back lane asked as he gave himself a quick rinse off with my hose.
Houses are big. And fucking expensive to paint - so you don't want to screw it up by picking some douchey colour like salmon or mustard - both of which I had the privilege of growing up in.
Fast forward a bunch of time and money and no tresspassing orders later (for some weird reason there are people who really don't like strangers skulking around on their property - even if it is to get a closer look at the house paint).
My house is renovated and painted and looking lovely….and, most importantly not looking like bile or the snot leaking out of the nose of a fourth grader. I can’t remember the exact name of the colour, but if the sky and the ocean had sex and produced babies…they’d be the colour of my house.
A month ago I came home from a 6 week vacation to find that the neighbours across the street were re-siding their house in more or less same “if the sky and ocean had sex” colour of my house.
The only thing doucheyer than painting your house salmon is coating it in pretty much the EXACT same colour as the people across the street. It lacks complete imagination. I worked my ass off for that colour. I researched. I had to talk myself out of trespassing charges. It’s not fair. Wah, wah, wah.
As the sun sets, I sit on my deck and ponder this (very first world) problem. I pour myself yet another glass of wine. Maybe it’s the booze, maybe it’s the waning sunlight, but at night you can’t really tell our houses are the exact same colour. In fact, you can't even tell what colour they are - they could both be the colour of guacamole bile.