Elaine Salamon 1942-2020
Eulogy
What Would Elaine Do?
Elaine had the rare ability to forge through life using her heart as a compass. She had deep a capacity for forgiveness, a hopeful outlook and an inclination toward kindness that guided her through every comment, action and thought. She was never clouded with judgment, spite or hurt. The last number of days have been foggy; it’s been hard to focus and make decisions. I find myself asking, “What would mom do?” And then the path forward becomes clear.
So many times, I would say to her, “But mom, come on, what do you reallythink?” She would always nod her head and listen to my frustrations, all the while guiding me back to a more optimistic outlook. It was impossible not to feel good after speaking with Elaine. She held such a passion for people and for life.
The word no was not in her vocabulary and one’s safety would have to be in jeopardy for her to use it – a trait her grandchildren found particularly delightful and beneficial. She rarely asked why and was firmly planted in the why not? camp.
When I was going to Europe for a wedding on Rob’s side of the family, and then explained that I would have 12 days on my own before a journalism job would begin in France – we were talking about how she’d never been to Europe and always wanted to go. Why don’t you join me? Six days later she was on a flight to meet me. Because, why not? I wasn’t sure that she would get back to Europe, so I wanted to make sure we saw all of the sights from Segradia in Spain to the Eiffel Tower in France, palaces, museums, churches. We were keeping a breakneck pace. I kind of forgot my mom was 64 years old because her energy was always so jubilant! One night after some tapas and probably too much sangria, there was this famous phone call home. I was calling Rob and mom was calling my dad. I overheard her telling my dad that I was running her ragged on this trip as we were chasing busses and climbing the stairs and she said she thought she might have a heart attack. Of course, she didn’t tell methis because she didn’t want to disappoint me. This was just how my mom was. Needless to say, we slowed down the pace of the trip and instead of checking off the sights, we got lost wandering the streets of Paris, had leisurely dinners, sipped lattes.
At 75 years old, on pretty short notice my parents hopped a plane to Ecuador and joined our world trip for a couple of weeks. My mom insisted that they join our style. They even took the kids off on their own for a day and toured Quito. Because why not? At Disney World, two years ago my dad, mom, kids Rob and I were on a raft ride that floated under a waterfall where you got soaked. My dad, Rob and I, sopping wet, vacated the ride after one turn. But there were no line ups and the park was closing soon and the kids wanted to go again. My mom, who’d had her hair beautifully done for the trip, went on that ride over and over with them and came off that ride looking like wet rat. Because why not?
When you read my mom’s travel journals you realize she had a bit of Hemingway in her. Here is an excerpt where she describes the Tropicana show in Havana:
The performance was magical and amazing. The tiny dancers exploded with many dance choreographic expositions and dazzled everyone with a kaleidoscope of colours in hundreds of costumes. At the very end of the performance the dancers intermingled with the audience. The highlight of the evening was when on of the dancers came and got dad to dance with him. If a picture was worth a thousand words – this is it. Dad is like Fred Astaire. Ha! Ha! Got back 2:30 in the morning.
She read an impressive array of literature – Carol Shields and Miriam Toews were some of her favourite writers. We were always sharing and talking about books. My mom really enjoyed attending readings and literary festivals.
When Rob and the kids and I were scaling Half Dome in Yosemite National Park in California. We were trying to navigate the kids up particularly a dangerous stretch at the top of the mountain when my phone started ringing and ringing in my backpack. When we finally got to the summit, and I answered the phone thinking there was an emergency. Of course, it was my mother, breathless and so excited to tell me about the Miriam Toews event at McNally Robinson the previous night. “I got there an hour and an half early and it was so full. There were so many people and it was crazy. There was nowhere to sit. I asked that nice man I always see at McNally Robinson, the one with the red hair, if he could find me somewhere to sit.”
“John? You were bugging John for a chair?” I can only imagine how busy the event would have been and John would have been managing the mayem.
“He’s so nice, he found me a chair right at the front! ” She went on and on about how wonderful the event was.
When I got back to Winnipeg my mom showed me the cover of the arts section of the Winnipeg Free Press. There is a photo of Miriam Toews reading and sitting right next to Miriam Toews… is my mom.
This story is brilliant on so many levels. My mom would always call me to tell me anything and everything – even when I was on top of a mountain. It communicates my mom’s passion and enthusiasm for things she loved. It illustrates how people reacted to my mom. There’s no seats, that’s okay, Elaine, we’ll just plunk you on the stage. My mom’s why not attitude was infectious.
Elaine derived so much joy in bringing happiness or a smile to others. It may have been manifested through one of her multi-course meals, a card in the mail, taking you out for lunch, sending flowers, sharing a coffee or a glass of wine – or simply listening with that infectious smile spread across her face. For me, I will miss pedicures, plant shopping, drinking wine with her on her deck or at a cabin, lemon pie and pickles. I will miss her cards – she wrote the most beautiful cards. And what I wouldn’t give now for one of those meandering phone conversations. It didn’t matter if you were a family member, close friend or an ailing reflexology patient, Elaine made time for you, made you feel cherished. Over the past week so many people, even people who’d only met her once, have shared stories and memories of how they have been impacted and moved by her. While buoyed by these memories, I have also found myself consoling others who have been so devastated by her loss.
I am profoundly sad that my mom is no longer with us as she was truly the most incredible mother and everything I am is because of her. I had the opportunity to read her a letter the day before she passed away, pouring my heart out to her. (She had to go to the bathroom twice during it.) I tucked it into her casket and it will remain with her forever.
The world feels empty and dim without her. But I am going to do my best to try and live in a place of gratitude because that’s what she would want. I’m grateful to have had such a rich relationship with my mother and I can feel her living on inside of me.
To honour Elaine and allow her spirit to live on within all of us, when you come to a crossroad or even the pivot of some simple decision – ask yourself, “What would Elaine do?” Because we know she was led by a sincere heart that was so full of love and every action was inspired by authentic generosity. Nothing would make my mom happier, or make her smile more than if she knew she inspired a world filled with a little more compassion, a little more kindness and a little more optimism.
I was reading The Lost Gardenby Helen Humphreys to her in the hospital the day before she passed away. We never got to finish the book – but this is the last paragraph of the novel:
The thing about gardens is everyone thinks they go on growing, that in winter they sleep and in spring they rise. But it’s more that they die and return, die and return. They lose themselves. They haunt themselves.
Every story is a story about death. But perhaps, if we are lucky, our story about death is also a story about love. ~ Helen Humphreys~
Elaine’s story is a story about love.
Many people have inquired about how my mom passed away and so quickly. I’m going to explain here.
On June 10 my mom began to turn jaundice. She went to the doctor and was immediately booked for an ERCP procedure to unblock her bile duct where cancer was discovered on her pancreas and lesions on her liver. The following week she saw the later where she was given a prognosis of 2-3 months life expectancy. The following day I returned her to the Health Sciences ER because she was feeling very ill; she was admitted. Her kidneys and liver were not functioning well despite many efforts by the medicine team to try and stabilize her. Her jaundice was not improving so she would not be a candidate for chemo and she had developed a blood clot in one of her liver arteries. She was lucid, still smiling while in the hospital for four days that she spent with my dad, and then my and brother and I. It became clear her health was detiorating; the months prognosis was reduced to days. On the fifth day, July 1, she passed away surrounded by Boris, Dennis and I. We are extremely grateful for this bit of grace as only a month earlier, due to Covid so many people died alone. She had the opportunity to be given her last communion.
My mom had a benign cyst in her pancreatic duct for over 20 years (accidentally discovered when testing for something else); it was followed, scanned and checked by a specialist every 6 months as is the current practice as these are not all that uncommon. She had full bloodwork and a scan done 2.5 months before she got sick. Both came back clear and normal.
My mom had such grace and dignity right until the final moments of her life.
