Shit I Found In My Purse.

I was sitting in a long, boring, bank meeting today that didn’t require much input on my part, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to go through my purse and clean it out, maybe get to the bottom of the strange odour.

I was so bored, in fact, that I decided to photo-document some of the things that I found – much to the horror of Sherry, the banker running the meeting. 

• Three Christmas oranges. It is now February 25th. Explains the fruit flies.

• Toe Spreaders. As I was photographing the Toe Spreaders, Sherry perked up from the paper work to inquire why I needed Toe Spreaders. Crooked toe, of course – also sexily known as a bunion.

• A print out of all the booze that is on sale at the MLCC. You never know when you are going to need this.

• $180 for tickets that I’d sold; money I'd already apparently forgotten about.This might explain the need for a bank meeting in the first place.

• My daughter’s never-before-washed, coffee stained gymnastics body suit.

• Craft Supplies. If you ever steal my parking spot I am equipped to spell nasty shit on your SUV. And decorate it with heart stickers.

• A stack of missing Student Assignments.

This is only a partial inventory. I was in the process of doing a complete purse inventory, but alas Sherry produced the paperwork for me to sign. She wanted me, and all of the shit that I'd spread out all over her desk, gone. Pronto.