Anyone else have a problem with the ScholasticBook Toy Catalogue delivered directly into your kid’s backpack every month?
Read MoreI was in line at the breakfast buffet at the Radisson Hotel in Minnesota when suddenly the whole place turned into a Tsunami of Crazy Purple People. Horns. Jerseys. Inflatable helmets.
Read MoreI thought Rob was reading this book to be proactive in dealing with our 4 year old...until he told me he was reading it in order to deal with me. Dick.
Read MoreYou know how in life you cross paths with people and you never forget them? That was Retirement Ron…except our paths crossed twice.
When I was in my mid 20's my life was discombobulating (and it wasn’t because I’d stocked up on a decade’s worth of tampons and wine and then Y2K never happened). I booked a plane ticket to Costa Rica, strapped on a backpack and took off.
Read MoreAww, it's our anniversary, Undefeated. I'm like a shit husband - I hardly noticed a year had passed and I didn't get you a present. But I do love you. Crossfit makes my Top 10 List of things I've done in the past decade...and I think I've done some pretty cool shit!
Read MoreIf your douchebagdestructive carefree kids have a water balloon fight in the second floor bathroom without telling you, a few weeks later this will happen to the ceiling beneath the bathroom…
Read MoreThis conversation made my week.
Read MoreMargie: What colour do ya reckon we should paint the house?
Whoosh (curtains opening)
Wayne: That colour there across the street looks pretty good.
Margie: Okay, then. Order up the siding.
Okay, so when I fill out this Questionnaire sent home by the second grade teacher I'm sure I'm supposed to say things like, "my kid likes crafts and math". Yeah, yeah he likes gluing bits of felt together well enough, but left to his own devices he'd way rather be hurling beer bottles at passing cyclists. So here are my answers to the questionnaire.
Read MoreEvery once in a while things show up in the mail that I don't remember buying. Not only did I apparently purchase one plunger for $50, I bought two. I must have been really heavily into a good bottle of Malbec that night.
Read MoreHere are some conversations that have taken place in my fucked up head lately:
Read MoreI just got a Get Out of Jail, I mean, Camping, Free Card (aka plane ticket home) to work on my book. Well, I’m supposed to be working on my book but I can’t stop fixating about how awesome my liver would taste right now. I mean, if someone were to carve it out and eat it right this second. It doesn’t even need to be cooked.
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